Me...Myself...and I

It's been a while since I was real. I've been holding a lot of things in, keeping them  all  bottled up inside and i can't take this constant pressure building up inside of me anymore. It feels  as  if the walls our closing in on me, you know like those walls from Indian Jones? The ones with  the spikes? Lmao nah let's be serious here. I just want people to know the real me. I mean  it's  been just about 2 years since I been out of high school...am I right? Not many people keep in contact with me, and I be honest and say in the beginning I'll admit yeah it hurt like hell,  but  to be honest I don't really care anymore. I just wanna be real with those people that actually take time to read  this,  and if no one reads this then that's fine too. Point is I'm writing this for me and me alone, and I'm being nice enough to share it. Well to start things off yes I'll admit  in  the past I talked of  nothing but my boyfriend, he seemed like he was the only thing on my mind right? Yes I'm pretty sure I annoyed all of you with this non stop talk about him. I realize that now. And I'm sorry...I'll be honest back in that day i thought he was the only one that gave a fuck about me. And I guess losing mostly all my friends gave me a wake up call. Or maybe it had nothing to do with him...maybe I just pushed you all away because of my trust issues  I have with people and I'm sorry about that too. But anyway let me just tell everyone these few things about myself that seem to matter so much to people in this world. Okay here it goes....I'm 20 years old, I'm not loud and obnoxious, I'm shy and rather quiet until I'm comfy enough with my surroundings, I'm a very small risk taker (if the risk is too big i bitch out) but I'm working to fix that, I've never been to a club before, I don't like getting shit faced drunk (but I do like to drink ),I don't throw my goodies out to random guys I don't know, I'm 420 friendly, I'm sure that's one thing I have in common with many of you LMAO,  I don't  have a car or my license and I don't attend on getting it until I'M READY (and yes even if that means  I don't get it till I'm like 40, I don't give a rat's ass and I wish people would just stfu and leave me the hell alone about it), I don't have a job yet and never had one to begin with, my mom is still willing to do everything for me and I love her for that,I made a huge mistake in the trade school I went to and now I have to pay back $15,000, I live with my boyfriend and his family, I'm the nicest person you will ever meet to the point where it's just sad, I'm always there to listen to someone, I have one of the biggest sweetest genuine hearts that you can honestly find in a person today, I'm willing  to help anyone out if they have a problem even if I hate the person or I haven't talked to them  in  years, I'm a bitch when I have to be which is rarely never. But...there are many things that have changed about me, but no one wants to take the time to see that, but that's okay. I'm moving on in life, and tho I'm not taking the SAME path everyone else took I wish people would just accept that. I made my choices in life and tho someone them may not have been the best choice I'll admit but I'm very happy with them. And I see my life only getting better from here.  Someday all the people that walked away from me will need me and honestly I'll  most  likely  be  there with arms wide open when that happens, cause that's just the kind of person I' am. So until then....I'll see you when I see you.

Guilty Pleasures...

We all have them, am I right? They tend to be one or a few things that somehow or another make us who we are in this world. The pleasures that are so small but things like saying no to a chocolate bar because of all the sugar and the thoughts of "dear gawd if I eat this it will go straight to my ass". But.....you always end up getting it...am I right? Of course I'm right. And why am I right you ask? Because its a guilty pleasure. According to the amazing Wikipedia a guilty pleasure is: "A guilty pleasure is something one enjoys and considers pleasurable despite feeling guilt for enjoying it. The "guilt" involved is sometimes simply fear of others discovering one's lowbrow or otherwise embarrassing tastes. Fashion, music, and junk food can be examples of guilty pleasures."  So I wanna share some of my guilty pleasures I hope you do enjoy learning just a little bit more about me

1. Chocolate
2. Mountain Dew
3. Sweat Pants
4. The Sims
5. Asking questions I tend to already know the answers to
6. Perfume
7. Singing off key (even tho I sing pretty for real)
8. Cute socks
9. Spending money (when i have it)
10. Drinks and 420 (heehee)

There's plenty more indeed, but that's for another time! LMAO

So what some of your guilty pleasures?? ^___^

First Day Shine

Do you remember how you felt on that first day of school in that one outfit you picked out? The way it made you feel. The confidence that ran through your body that made you shine. That feeling that no one can stop you no matter what! What ever happened to that?

What happened after that one day? It seems like everyone just lost it at day two. When it should be nothing like that. We all should keep that confidence with us all the time. It's a true and pure feeling that many people over time lose and they can miss out on things.

I should know; I'm one of them. For years now I've been living behind a mask, just pretending that i was above confident. It look a big punch in the face to knock me off that horse and make me take a good look at myself and see I'm nothing more then afraid of my own shadow.

Now unlike most people I'm heading down a road to change that for good. A find that part of me that made me feel like that on one of many of my first days of school. I'm bringing that part of me back for good. Along with the other sides of myself that I'm hiding from. And I will succeed in everything that I do!!

Sea Monkeys...=)

Sea monkeys!! Ever have them?? It's like in some weird way your almost playing God. I mean think about it...you create a world so pure...so innocent; and then you dump in the eggs therefore creating life before your very eyes. So you let your creations free onto their new home. To create it the way they want it.

Makes you wish we were all sea monkeys; or at least it's made me feel that way. For the past couple days I've stared at my tiny creations and it just puzzles me on why no one else can ever stay that pure...that innocent...to keep such an angelic nature like these delicate little creatures. I mean have you seen them?!

All they do is just....swim. They are free. They are pure. No sin upon them; they just live the life that they were made to do. Swim. That's it. I love the feeling of being in water. It makes me feel that same way. Makes me feel safe, pure, turns me back into the little girl again playing for hours in the tub with my barbies, baby dolls, hot wheels (LOL), it makes ME the innocent one again.

Sea monkeys...I never would have thought such a simple thing could make my mind go off in a direction like this. It truly does show that it is the simple things in life that matter the most. That make the most sense. That makes you....you.